Tickle My Kittens

i think the adage “good things come in small packages” rings true. aside from the usual, low-budget jokes about male packages (full disclosure: i would undoubtedly make the joke at someone else’s expense if this were not my post), i think it’s possible that even as items get smaller, quality won’t be sacrificed by the reduction. from computers to hair styles, sometimes things just are better when they’re smaller.

however, right here and now, i am taking a stand against one small item: the all-in-one cell phone. sure, we all like smaller cell phones. i certainly don’t miss the old Nokia brick from my youth. and, in theory, all the added features like e-mail access and a camera seem to make sense to help you conserve valuable pocket space for keys, a wallet, and if you’re BAL, your hardpack of Virginia Slims.

with cell phone manufacturers packing more features into each tiny piece of hardware, it appears the sky is the limit for what cell phones can do. except for one thing: play music. have you ever heard the sound coming out of the built-in cell phone speakers? it’s like listening to static through a megaphone. in three words: really fucking annoying. sean kingston jokes aside, it’s so bad that i struggle to distinguish the music from the white noise.

in the last month, i’ve seen at least one person every day listening to music on their cell phones sans headphones. and for extended periods of time. why is this a good idea? aside from annoying every other person in the vicinity, the output sounds terrible and they’re probably experiencing severe hearing loss. it’s like sticking your ear next to the fire alarm during a fire drill.

the more important question, though, is why someone would CHOOSE to listen to this phone’s horrifying sound. i’ve been several feet away from people who rock out to their cell phones in public and they almost made my ears bleed. clearly if i can pick up on how bad the sound is, the owner should be able to as well. which leads me to suspect that it’s an attempt to just be an asshole in public, because the sound is on par with a crying baby. biologically, we just can’t ignore any sound that irritating.

at least with the boomboxes of yore i can understand why someone would turn up the volume for Run DMC or Guns N Roses. music sounds better from larger speakers. it would be annoying to hear someone rocking out to something so big and loud on the metro, sure, but at least we’d know why he or she was doing it. the music probably sounds good on it. rich, full bass, crystal clear vocals, etc. annoying but logical.

so, why someone would opt to suffer through the thin, high-pitched squeals from his/her cell phone’s pathetic speakers is both crazy and stupid. they are impressing no one and annoying everyone. i think perhaps it’s time we all brought back the boom box in protest. i’m no audiophile but if my senses are going to be assaulted by someone else’s music, it might as well sound good and do the music justice.

would the scene in Say Anything be the same if Lloyd Dobler were holding a RAZR? and, similarly, would Pump Up the Volume and Breakin’ make any sense without a boom box? i suspect not. so, for god’s sake, if you want to listen to music in public, respect the music and leave your cell phone in your pocket. look back into 80s culture and reach for something that, while annoying, at least sounds good to the rest of us. just leave the rest of the 80s behind.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 27th, 2007 at 2:55 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.