For those of you following at home, this is part three in my Missed Connections series. If you don’t know what’s going on, I highly recommend that you read part 1 and part 2. The main idea is that I posted a fake missed connection on Craig’s list as a woman, and several guys responded.
The results from the comments were counted last Tuesday, and it was clear from reader feedback that I should contact all five suitors to see who was really interested. So, I created a fake gmail account and started emailing. I didn’t get too detailed in my responses, just enough to get them to write back.
As of today (one week later), three have responded. I still haven’t decided where to go with this whole thing, but I do know that carrying on a dialog with three different guys and reporting the results here is going to be too confusing. That means we need to decide who gets to be the sole focus of our efforts. Here are the emails:
Bachelor #1,
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Aparently gmail took all of the Craig’s List stuff and put it in my spam folder. If it was actually you, then apology accepted
Lacy
and his reply was
Did you ever find your MC? Seeing a posting that even /could/ be oneself is a pretty big lift. I imagine finding each other must be doubly sweet!
Not too bad. Still in the flirty stage, but there’s certainly potential here. Let’s see what his competition had to say.
.
Bachelor #3,
Ok, that’s just silly. Where’s the subtlety? On the other hand, you’re only one of a few guys I’m writing back. I have to admit, you have piqued my interest. Was it really you?
-Lacy
P.S. Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Apparently gmail took all of the Craig’s List stuff and put it in my spam folder.
his reply:
I wish it was me, but couldn’t a guy dream? Although, what caught your interest my love?
Are you serious? Talk about a change of tone, considering his first email was, “yep, just me getting off on your breasts.” We may have a reformed bad boy on our hands. Pretty good so far. Let’s see what our resident poet had to say.
.
Bachelor #5,
All that for little ol’ me? I have to admit I’m a little flattered.
-Lacy
P.S. Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Apparently gmail took all of the Craig’s List stuff and put it in my spam folder
his reply:
I am flattered Ms. Fitzpatrick that you actually replied to my e-mail. If only I were one ounce of air that swirls around your heavenly presence. I would not leave; even for a second. Just to be around such angelic beauty would complete my entire existence. I apologize for beaming into your luscious body in public, but I was fixated on utter perfection. I wish I could breath in your sensuous charms for hours. What could a man like me possibly do for your pleasure?
Solid. I had high hopes for this guy, and he did not disappoint. But, was he good enough to be our main squeeze? Comments are open for voting.
Entries (RSS)
August 28th, 2007 at 7:26 am
I thought the original responses were funny, but stringing guys along for the purposes of a blog entry just seems a bit cruel. Would you want to be strung along for internet fodder?
August 28th, 2007 at 8:14 am
#5 makes me want to vomit out of disbelief and embarassment (both for him and other men who are sullied by that).
August 28th, 2007 at 8:34 am
#3 is giving us some good shit here.
Just another girl: These are not exactly “innocent” men. They responded to a MC ad about staring at a girl’s boobies on the metro. And #3 is writing a stranger some really bad poetry. I think he’s just asking for it! Plus, it’s not like Scott is posting their full names and email addresses.
Keep it up!
August 28th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Just another girl - You have a good point, and I certainly don’t want to be mean with this whole thing. That’s why I want to narrow this down to one guy who will be the most fun. I was pulling for the “it’s was just me getting off on your breasts” guy before he had a change of heart.
Mindy - You’ve got my back! We could go anywhere with this thing… encourage dirty talk, send him a fantastically ugly photo of “myself”, or hint at deep mental instability. The sky’s the limit.
August 28th, 2007 at 11:13 am
You have to go with the last one here. I think the other two are going to lose interest while #3 obviously has no life.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Kim’s got a good point there - the other two seem a little…sincere; which kind of makes them creepy. The third guy is just a tool though, so he would be fun to mess with. Oh, and on that note I also want to disagree with Just Another Girl - I for one have no problem stringing men along for entertainment purposes, so I (obviously) am not going to judge Scott for it.
August 28th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
i don’t think bachelor #3 had a change of heart. i think he’s that skeezy guy who thinks he can say things like “that was just me getting off on your breasts” and then call a girl “my love” and just smooth things right over. also, i cannot believe #5 is for real. even ignoring the egregious grammatical errors, i am more than a little uncomfortable/queasy at the ridiculousness/inappropriateness of that message. “beaming into your luscious body” sounds like it could be a euphemism for some nasty shit.
August 28th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Token: If you call cumming inside her “nasty”, then yes.
August 28th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
beam, cum, squirt, erupt…all nasty shit. and he wants to do it in public, no less!
August 28th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
#5 “beaming into your luscious body in public,” man you’ve got to keep it going with this guy…just for our amusement!
August 29th, 2007 at 9:20 am
I think #5 is a prankster just like you. There is no way a real human being would say that crap. Knowing that, it would be fun to see how far he’ll take it.
Definitely go for #3 guy. His change of tone makes me wonder if he thinks he actually has a chance meeting “you.”
August 29th, 2007 at 11:45 am
I agree with Samkay64. #5 has got to be a prankster and is writing crap like that as a joke. I think you should go for #3. Anyone who calls a woman he’s never met and has only communicated with twice “my love” is enough of a tool to keep things entertaining.
August 29th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Since it’s obvious that #5 seems to be consulting the ‘Pimpin’ Man’s Guide to Cervantes’ (”beaming into your luscious body in public”), I think responding in kind by ripping off from a random book of romantic literature/poetry would just be fantastic. Not to mention, it’d work towards completing the farce full-circle.
August 29th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I apologize for beaming into your luscious body in public
Don’t concern yourself, Mr. Scot! All the shuttle craft were in the docking bay awaiting repairs. Beaming in was the only way.
Hope to have you in my airlock soon,
Lacey
August 30th, 2007 at 12:14 am
My vote is for Bachelor #1. #5 is obviously a fraud… so knowing that his responses are fiction doesn’t make it any fun. #3 is just an asshole - and we see enough of those all the time. I think #1 is the only one with any potential for being “real” - and therefor, “real” entertainment.
Just my opinion.
August 30th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
I think #5 has the most potential and is most deserving of being fucked with. How much terrible “poetry” can we get out of him before he runs out of material?
August 31st, 2007 at 9:36 am
[…] >> Unraveling the mysteries of Missed Connections, one lie, er, blog post at a day. [Tickle My Kittens] […]
September 4th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Jesus Christ on a cracker, Number 5 is the one to go with. If he is, indeed, fake, then you have no guilt over fucking with him. If, however, he is real, then you still have no guilt since his prose (if you can call it that) AND verse are just asking for it.
September 10th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
I wish I could breath in your sensuous charms for hours
Personally, I think that’s the real gem.
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:53 am
I wish I could breath in your sensuous charms for hours
Personally, I think that’s the real gem.
Not only is it a gem, but it makes no sense at all. Breath is a noun, while “breathe” was probably the verb he was looking for. Interesting question here, was it just a spelling mistake or is he an idiot? I’m going to go with the latter.
Grammar people, it’s not that difficult.