I really miss the days when spam e-mails were things like “Viagra 70% off Discount” or “Cheap replica watches 4 SALE!” I even miss those Nigerian money scams. Those days are gone.
I first noticed something was awry when I logged into my work computer a few weeks ago and saw e-mails coming to me from me. I e-mail myself files between my work and home computers all the time, so I thought that, in addition to the e-mails from Dr. Cialis from Freehomepharmacy.com, maybe there was some sort of freaky coincidence there. It still looked like spam, so no big deal.
Because I work in the media industry I also receive a lot of e-mails for books and DVDs on sale. One of the most recent ones was for a “Buy 3 get 7 free DVD EXTR4V4G4NZ4″ from 347dvds.net. Still clearly not within the realm of reasonable e-mails but a little more targeted than the typical drug e-mails.
It was just this morning that I realized how smart spam has become. Like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, my spam now has self-actualized. No longer do I get scattershot messages. My spam is out to get me, and somehow, it knows what I’m thinking about before I even log in! I have been talking with friends about making a trip to Vegas in March, and we just decided yesterday to book the hotel. So, I log into my e-mail this morning, and what do I see? “Vegas Big Hand Blackjack Tournament” e-mails. Three of them.
I can only imagine what will come next…Dr. Cialis will be waiting for me outside my office with a replica watch on his wrist and a stack of DVDs in his hands. Then he will challenge me to blackjack, and if I lose, the world will explode. Wait, when do I double down? I’m sure I’ll get an e-mail about that tomorrow…
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December 5th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
I know what you mean. I have started receiving spam e-mails from “friends”. My self-actualized spam folder has started to realize what names I use in my e-mails and has decided to communicate with me using their names.
Scary stuff.
December 5th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
That would be the new feature from the fine folks at Google. “G-Spam.” It provides context-sensitive spamming relevant to today’s youth. This way, your spam already knows by how many inches you need to increase your manhood, and the actual name of one of your dead uncles with unclaimed inheritance.
December 5th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I am still reeling from the Space Odyssey reference. This is upsetting.
December 6th, 2007 at 10:36 am
[…] My spam is smarter than I amBy Drunken AstronautLike HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, my spam now has self-actualized. No longer do I get scattershot messages. My spam is out to get me, and somehow, it knows what I’m thinking about before I even log in! …Tickle My Kittens - http://ticklemykittens.com […]
December 6th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
You know you’ve made the big time when you get picked up by the hit blog Spiritually Significant Films. Congratulations, you’ve just been A-listed.
December 7th, 2007 at 10:01 am
arjewtino: scary stuff indeed. i guess you’ll know something’s up when a family member sends you stuff about viagra or a mail-order bride.
aua: be careful — google may steal your idea and take all the credit. buy stock in google right now.
mindy: i’m sorry you don’t get movie references that fall outside of ‘anne of green gables’ and ‘the land before time.’
SSF: thanks for the spam. i appreciate the irony here.
AUA: maybe my spam has a sense of humor now, too? awesome.
December 7th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
You know what’s funny? I actually love ‘Anne of Green Gables’ and ‘The Land Before Time’. And I refuse to feel badly about that–girls are supposed to like that shit. However, having an obsession with aliens and space-related movies usually means … well, it doesn’t mean anything good. Unless you hate having sex with girls. And then I guess it’s good.
Oooooh!
April 9th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I really liked your blog! i read 4 others that are on similar subjets, but they domt update very often, thanks.