How would you like it if someone replaced your toothpaste with a similarly shaped tube of Preparation H? Sure, it might tighten up those saggy gums a little, but at the end of the day you’re going to be pissed off because you didn’t get what you were expecting. That’s essentially what happened to me this weekend when I discovered that DC cash machines have started dishing out $50 bills.
We all depend on continuity and my ATM routine is simple. Insert card, enter PIN, navigate through menu, and insert cash into the back of the wallet. Because I keep my bills sorted with the smallest denominations first, this seemingly chaotic transaction actually maintains perfect order. My technique has evolved mostly because I like to avoid fumbling with a stack of 20s as I organize my wallet in public, but an ancillary benefit is that it’s very easy to grab bills from the front (valet tip) or back (taxi) without much thought.
It was this back-of-wallet cash grab that got me into trouble, and you can probably guess what happened. It was getting very late in the evening. A group of friends convinced me to join them on the other side of town for one more drink. On the way I discovered that my funds were running low, so I had the driver stop at a bank to refill the coffers. There were two suspicious guys in line behind me, and while I was catching glances of them out of the corner of my eye and imagining counter moves to the assault that never came, the ATM was silently counting out 50s. The trap had been set.
I should have realized what was happening the first time. The taxi pulled up outside of the bar and I decided to be a little generous and round up to $20 on a $15 fare. “No change, thanks” I said as I handed him what was actually a 230% tip. He shouted his appreciation as I walked into the bar feeling very good with myself. After my ride home, the second time wasn’t as obvious. It wasn’t until the next day that I caught myself doing it a third time in full daylight.
Yes, I wasted $60, but the biggest casualty in this whole fiasco is that I’m going to have to totally rethink my wallet algorithm. And if you think that I’m ever going to be able to casually tip a bellboy without breaking eye contact, you have another thing coming. My only consolation is that over-tipping a taxi driver is actually one of the better outcomes in a situation that involves fumbling around in the dark back seat of a car after a few drinks.
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June 9th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Where I much prefer the 20’s, this reminds me of the casinos that dish out hundred dollar bills. Even so, you don’t count the bills when they come out of the machine?
June 9th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
You know, I usually don’t. Maybe I trust technology is too much, but I figure that an ATM delivering the wrong amount of money is a pretty rare thing. I blame the booze on not noticing the correct stack size, though.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
[…] Central Air Conditioning Killed Community Cohesion? Prince of Petworth. DC cash machines have started dishing out $50 bills, reports Tickle My Kittens. Big trouble as a result. Excerpt: The taxi pulled up outside of the bar […]